I hope you're all doing well and that somewhere some of you are enjoying real fall weather. Today the high in Texas is 94 degrees. I'm just going to keep consuming pumpkin-everything and wearing scarves and hoping I can just sweat this one out.
Secondly, thank you for following along with my attempts so far at #write31days. After an exhausting summer of being poured into, I'm really making every effort to face my fears and keep writing. 1 Samuel has been so good to me. I'm trying not to read ahead and just take a chapter each day. Once I got past chapter one (my first day, darn-it!), I started realizing I had a lot of questions about each chapter. The old testament is a new beast to me. People are literally dying at God's command and my mind is blowing up. But it's forcing me to have good conversation (special thanks to Chris), to seek more knowledge (special thanks to Holiness of God by R.C. Sproul) and to learn to listen for His voice more diligently. I've developed a serious hunger these past few months to simply know Him better and the Bible is becoming the song of my heart. I know He wrote it to me, to all of us. It's His history, His love letter, His living Word... and I'll be honest that I don't know it well. 1 Samuel has been a wonderful experience of learning how to read it and how to listen with my heart.
I also had a chance to sit down with a sweet friend of mine and chat about what it means to have a blog... especially one that's gospel-driven. I often tell myself that a "good reason" not to write is because God hasn't put anything specific on my heart that day. Or the next or the next or the next. So, because I believe the Holy Spirit hasn't invaded my hands and forced me to type, then I don't type anything at all. How ridiculous of me to assume everything I need to share here has to be liquid gold?? (Side note – Velveeta, anyone??) And how ridiculous of me to assume I know what liquid gold looks like... some of the posts that I know have been special for someone reading were some of the ones I've liked the least. "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." Y'all. There is a good reason the writer of 2 Corinthians phrased this verse this way. "BUT HE SAID TO ME." He made it easy as pie to insert yourself in this verse as you're reading it, so go ahead and read that one out loud.
For me, I feel like this mindset is so opposite of what the world has told me about perfection (which, gosh, is a whole other post for a whole other day). The world tells me I must be strong. I must be knowledgable. I must be well-spoken. I must be confident. I must excel. God says, "I am strong. I speak with the highest authority. You are weak. You will fail. So just trust me. Just take a step. Just let me work through you and you'll see my plans for you are good."
At some point, you have to let go of the control and fill-in-the-blank-like-nike-just-do-it. Just sit down and write. Just call up that old friend. Just go to that event. Just be nice to that person. Just say a prayer and try. I'm pretty sure that "Lord, be with me" has become the mantra of my days, because I have become fully aware in the past three months that I literally cannot do anything without the help of my God. The fact that I woke up this morning breathing is nothing short of a miracle. Me having a great conversation with someone I'm afraid to talk to – all Him. Me being able to provide comfort to a friend who's going through a struggle I can't begin to understand – all Him. Me being able to muster up the strength to lovingly serve my husband after a long day at work when all I want to say is "Bring me a glass of wine and let me vent for an hour" – definitely all Him. And He made Chris really sweet and adorable, so that helps too. Thanks, God. Thank you, all of the time.
So, hi. My name is Brittany. And I'm completely, 100% imperfect and messy. If you know me at all, you know I do not enjoy using the word "messy" to describe myself, but through some serious pushing and shoving God is showing to me that He did, indeed, make me that way. And it was for a reason... so that we could share joy. Yes, God. You make beautiful things out of my dust.