Imagine with me for a minute.
Say your best friend sent you a gift in the mail. It's not the most beautifully wrapped gift... a little misshapen from it's USPS journey, but obviously wrapped with love and care. She took the time to cover the whole thing in printing paper, and used a thick sharpie to write out many of your favorite quotes and funny things you've said (ex: "Elmo says..." for all my 2012 cruise ladies). If you're anything like me, you text your friend a picture of said present: "Look what came in the mail!! Can't wait to open this!". You set the gift down on your dining table and begin to unwrap it, and inside is...
That thing you've been wanting forever. You've always been afraid to purchase it yourself. And now that you have it in front of you, you realize... you don't even know how to use it. How thoughtful of your friend to know exactly what you've been wanting! But... you don't have the skill for it. Maybe it's a pack of seeds to start your garden. Maybe it's some fancy ingredients for your kitchen. Maybe it's that awesome dress you saw at the store, but decided you couldn't pull it off. Maybe it's a camera or a guitar.
So... you tuck it in a drawer. And it never gets used. After awhile, you forget your friend ever gave it to you.
Do you have a dream like this?
Do you have a dream that you've tucked in a drawer out of fear that you don't know how to use it, or maybe you wouldn't be good at it?
Do you have a dream you told yourself to forget about because it's too scary? Because it might threaten your comfort? Because it might threaten your reputation?
Do you have a dream your loved ones have whispered to you about, encouraging you "just think about it"?
Do you have a dream your God has whispered to you about, saying "let me show you"?
I'm going to take a leap of faith and say it's very possible that you do. It may not even look like a skill or a craft... it might be getting a group of girls in your living room to read a book together. It might be opening up your heart to a relationship. It might be taking care of yourself by seeking out counseling or a mentor. It might be mending bridges with your family or a friend.
As for me... I've been hiding from this blog out of doubt in my skills, but I've spent the past month learning that I have a great Teacher. His name is Jesus. And He wants me to tell you about Him.
This both fills me with joy, and scares the pee out of me.
As I've mentioned before both here and on Instagram, I've been working to make more room for quiet time. I'm so thankful I finally listened to what my heart was really needing, and the same way you might switch up your diet for a week to eat more healthy, or go to bed early one night of the week, I took the opportunity to work towards getting up early, making a cup of coffee and just sitting and being with The Lord. I'm also almost done with Celebration of Discipline and God certainly used those pages to speak to me about where to find Him and how to lay down my fear... and also how to lay down my pride. Like peeling back an onion, I found so many layers of pride within me. Being afraid of others is completely rooted in my pride. And I'm slowly learning to take it piece by piece and give it to God.
I found myself last Friday night at a women's event at church crying over my confusion... I am so weak. I need to be more humble. I need to listen more. I'm not worthy of writing. I will only come off proud. I should stay quiet. I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know my Bible well enough. I have nothing to be proud of.
And right there on the worksheet in front of me was the question...
"How do you boast in the Lord for what He's doing in your story?"
I will not boast in anything... no gifts, no power, no wisdom. But I will boast in Jesus Christ, His death, and resurrection. Yes, Lord. I hear you. Thank you for being so patient with me. Please continue to remind me of your grace. Please give me your courage and bravery. I need you every hour. But I know... the victory is all Yours!
So I'm going to be participating in a writing challenge tomorrow called 31 Days, which calls bloggers to write every day for the month of October on a topic of their choice. It may end up that I don't share all of what I write here on TPA. But I know the Lord is stirring my heart to jump back in and run His race He's marked for me, and He's made it abundantly clear that He has claimed this blog for His glory. I'm going to be writing out my prayers and working through the 31 chapters in the book of 1 Samuel. Writing out what I'm learning from Scripture, chapter by chapter, is something I've always wanted to do, but been too afraid of... so, by God's grace, it's time to try.
If you're here with me, curious and stirred by the gift in the drawer, I'd encourage you to go and take it out. The friend that gave it to you knows you pretty well, and He's a great Teacher.